Your new best friend

iCAP Services logoAn important meeting had been scheduled at work for the Monday morning. All attendees were notified and it was crucial for our project that no mistakes were made by us during this meeting.

I remember spending the entire weekend, prior to the meeting, polishing up a report for the presentation that loomed. I gave up a scheduled social engagement, an impromptu catch-up with friends, and even exercise classes to concentrate on getting the t’s crossed and i’s dotted for the big event.

Monday arrived, nerves were in attendance yet the meeting went off without a hitch. The huge project had the go-ahead to proceed which meant we all kept our jobs.

All that was left after the meeting was to graciously accept all the lauding and congratulating my manager could muster for my wonderful contribution to the effort.

So I waited … and waited … and waited.

‘Thanks for that’, he said as he walked out of the room and that was that.

I’m not sure what I expected but ‘Thanks for that’ didn’t quite cut it. So, I wondered what it was that I was really after. What did I need from him that seemed more meaningful to me if it came directly from him?

How often do we seek acknowledgements from those around us and sometimes hope they intuitively understand what we need from them. Even when we state our needs, their response may not meet our expectations.

So what’s the solution? How do we get the people in our lives to give us what we need? How often do you expect your partner, family or boss to validate you and your achievements (or difficulties) in order to make them seem more authentic?

Contemplating what you need from yourselfLet me answer that with another question: what stops you from giving yourself what you need?

If you want praise for a job well done, pat yourself on the back and acknowledge the diligence with which you executed your responsibilities. Take close friends out for a celebration; buy yourself a present; treat yourself to a nice meal at that restaurant you’ve wanted to try.

If you’re looking for love and understanding during a tough time, be kind to yourself and love who you are right now. Give yourself time out and shower yourself with the attention and kindness you need. Take a long bath; indulge in your favourite book or movie; go fishing for the weekend.

If your partner can’t connect with you emotionally, what feelings of your own are you ignoring? Try some meditation or journal your thoughts/feelings to connect with what is going on for you internally.

Give yourself what you need. Validate yourself.

Next time you’re disappointed in someone else’s offerings, be gracious, thank them for what they can give you and add the remainder yourself.

Remember to give yourself what you are seeking yet not receiving from others.

Are you able to be your own new best friend?

Tina is a Counsellor and Psychotherapist in private practice in Wollongong and Sydney.

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  1. Martine says:

    A great piece of blogging!

  2. Webmaster says:

    Thanks Martine. I was wondering if you had any personal examples of being your own best friend you’d like to share. Cheers! Tina

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